Today, I said good-bye to my best friend after 12 1/2 years.
It's important that I tell you the story of Logan because sometimes people don't understand the bond that people and their animals build and what our best friends teach us and how they change us.
When I moved out to the country with my first dog Kinsey I decided that she needed a buddy and I waited for a year for the right breeding. I wanted a male golden retriever and I wanted to show him. That was the plan.
Along came Logan. He was pick of the litter and beautiful. I was short on cash because I had to buy a new car and I had just bought a house. The car was a surprise and not in the budget, but I really wanted Logan. I sold a family heirloom to purchase him (my aunt's engagement ring). My aunt loved animals and had a poodle at one time. I knew she would understand and I believed wholeheartedly that she would approve. I brought Logan home in August.
Kinsey and Logan forged a friendship quite quickly and we were a happy little family. I started taking Logan to show handling class and things were looking good.
When Logan was 6 months old I started questioning his vision. Shortly thereafter Logan was diagnosed with cataracts on both eyes, a circular nystagamus and a brain lesion. How, why we never knew. The plan for Logan changed and it changed for me.
When Logan was 18 months old he had cataract surgery however, sight for Logan was not to be. The surgery did not go well and he developed scar tissue over BOTH corneas. Logan's life from this point on was destined to be different.
I was told by many to "put him down". Others said, "send him back to the breeder and get your money back". Others could not believe that I would keep this dog. I never ever thought of giving him up or sending him back. Putting him down was not on the agenda.
I became literally Logan's "seeing eye person". We worked it out. We had a system. I clapped - he followed. I put a bell on Kinsey's collar so he could follow her. I moved furniture so he could get around. Logan was never left home - he was always part of the party. Logan even went hunting. He sat in the blind with me. He was never left out.
Logan swam and in fact, he would throw himself off the dock and retrieve bumpers by scent. He was a good swimmer. We all laughed because he and Kinsey would "tag team" retrieve. Kinsey would launch herself off the dock with Logan in pursuit. Kinsey would retrieve the bumper and hand it off to Logan who followed the claps and my voice and brought it back to me. We had a great time playing that game. He went on every walk, he came to work with me, he went everywhere. Everybody loved him.
He was afraid of the sound of the wind if it got really windy. It would send him into a panic. I would bring him up on the bed, put him under the covers and hold him. He would shake and shiver for a bit and then eventually he would calm down and go to sleep. Thunder was another thing that could send him off the deep end but the thing that really shook him up was the sound of the computer music when the computer came on and when it turned off. I just stopped turning my computer off when he was around.
Being blind, never stopped Logan. This is a dog with the most heart I have ever seen. He managed to slip out of a friend's house one time and went on "a toot". I got a panicked call at work and flew home to search. He was found approx. 1/2 mile from my friend's house swimming in a pond in someones yard having a blast. He wasn't worried - he was having fun.
Logan played with all the dogs and was the king of "de-poofing" toys. I have swept up more stuffing out of toys than I care to discuss. Logan loved shoes and needed to have a shoe in his mouth when you came in the door because he knew he would be chased by me to get it back. He would roll onto his back with the shoe in his mouth and a goofy grin. He would get his tummy rub and then give up the shoe. This was the routine. In the evenings he was my couch buddy. He got up on the couch and we assumed the position - me at one end and he at the other with his head in my lap. I would stroke his ears and he would groan. We spent many a night that way. He was a great comfort to me and I think I was to him.
Logan had a fabulous relationship with my nephew and my sister. He loved them. I don't think there was a single person that Logan didn't like.
In the last few years age began to tell on Logan. I always worried what would happen if he lost his hearing too. I was worried he would be in a world of his own and afraid. I worried about that a lot.
So in the last year his hearing do go. Not entirely, but enough that it could get him into trouble. We went to Plan B which included louder clapping and now his walks were on a flexi. He still rode out to the end of the flexi. He never clung in close - he just marched on. He became afraid of swimming which was hard to see so I went to ponds where he could puddle and to the beach where it was shallow. I walked in the water with him. He really like the water and I didn't want to see him lose that joy.
And snow....my how he loved the snow. He rolled in the snow endlessly. It became hard to walk him because all he wanted to do was roll!
In November, I had a scare with Logan but he bounced back and I breathed a great sigh of relief. I really thought that we had dodged a bullet. I knew whatever was ailing him would reappear but I needed it not to happen too soon.
Dogs are incredible creatures and I know they sense things and worry too. I was scheduled for surgery in early January of this year and he went to my sister's while I was in hospital. I could tell he was worried when I left him with Cathy. I was out of hospital 3 days later and stayed at my sister's for a week.
I brought Logan home with me to recouperate and he was my constant companion. If he hadn't been here I would have been totally alone. It would have been unbearable. He and I assumed the position on the couch and pretty much spent the last two weeks that way. I really needed him in these past two weeks and I believe he knew that. I think he waited.
This weekend, Logan took a turn for the worse and by last night I knew it was time. I sat up all last night with him just like we had for years - me at one end of the couch and he at the other with Logan resting his head in my lap.
This morning I took that horrible drive to the Vet and said good-bye. My heart is broken and I cannot stop the tears.
I can't tell you all the life lessons that Logan has taught me, but for sure he taught me never ever to not try. Logan always tried, always wanted to do stuff, always wanted to be active - he never gave up. NEVER. Until today. The spark left and he had given all he could. I think he hung in there for the last two weeks for me. I really do believe that. I believe with all my heart that he knew that I needed him. He was a friend that was "there for me" and that's what friendships are all about.
I just hope he knows how much I loved him and how much I am going to miss him. He was my buddy and there will never be another one like my Logan.
